I feel like I need to apologize. Today was kind of an epic fail for an early birthday present. Not only did I temporarily decline your gift of a tattoo for my birthday but i also spent two hours talking with people on the phone only to decide that its not a good idea until next semester, I;m so sorry.
I'm so thankful that you're so patient and understanding because I don't think I'd be alive. Although today was a little bit of a disaster, like especially the "rope" conversation and Yule log snake conversations. it was still one of my favorite nights. Every moment i spend with you is completely different from the last. I learn more and more about this handsome man I call my best friend. I want you to know you can tell me anything and I will always be there for you. Always! As long as you don't sing "Santa Baby" to me again….
I love you so much…. so very much! and I can't wait to see where our lived lead us together.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
12/6/13
I'm really sorry if you can't read my handwriting from last night, I totally forgot that you can't read script very well.
Today I started to have weird thoughts about our relationship. I mistakenly found you at Jazzman's studying and soon after I came there (with a 5- day long headache) you got up and left with Christina and for some reason I thought you were mad at me, I love Christina, don't get me wrong, but she makes me jealous sometimes. I'm working on it, I promise but I just wanted to tell you now.
Anyway when you walked away, I had the slight realization that I will be turning 20 in 10 days from tomorrow. Naturally, I started thinking about my future, which i have been thinking about for years now but I've only thought academically. Apparently you've been thinking about our future together too because tonight you had another freak out. And this is what the rest of the journal is going to be about.
I agree, I;ve changed a lot cine I've met you. But don't give yourself all the credit. I'm 19 going on 20 and I'm going to be changing physically and mentally for a few more years. I love you. Let me just throw that our there right now. Sometimes it offends me when you tell me I haven't had a lot of experience and I'm too young to understand love. But i know and have seen true love. You seem to think that every relationship that you;re in has to aim at perfection. Thats impossible. We're going to mess up , get frustrated , grow old, change mentally, grow spiritually, have mental break downs and wonder is we were meant for each other. But the difference is, I want to go through all of that together, with you. I wan to encourage you, pray for and with you, grow mentally, spiritually and physically. I want to be the one you get frustrated with and I want to be the one to fix it. I want you to know the love Christ has for you. This unconditional, pure love. I want to hep you academically , I want to spiritually grow together and hear and learn all about you. I'm all in. To me, thus what i consider love. An unconditional, vulnerable emotion. If thats not what you think it is than please tell me because I need to fix my perspective. Sure, we may be moving too fast and have grown stagnant spiritually and mentally but lets fix that. Relationships are hard work and heart- wrenching. But I'm all in if you are. I need you to lead me and tell me where our relationship is going. Please try to be the man I know you can be. I promise, you'll learn to love it eventually.
Today I started to have weird thoughts about our relationship. I mistakenly found you at Jazzman's studying and soon after I came there (with a 5- day long headache) you got up and left with Christina and for some reason I thought you were mad at me, I love Christina, don't get me wrong, but she makes me jealous sometimes. I'm working on it, I promise but I just wanted to tell you now.
Anyway when you walked away, I had the slight realization that I will be turning 20 in 10 days from tomorrow. Naturally, I started thinking about my future, which i have been thinking about for years now but I've only thought academically. Apparently you've been thinking about our future together too because tonight you had another freak out. And this is what the rest of the journal is going to be about.
I agree, I;ve changed a lot cine I've met you. But don't give yourself all the credit. I'm 19 going on 20 and I'm going to be changing physically and mentally for a few more years. I love you. Let me just throw that our there right now. Sometimes it offends me when you tell me I haven't had a lot of experience and I'm too young to understand love. But i know and have seen true love. You seem to think that every relationship that you;re in has to aim at perfection. Thats impossible. We're going to mess up , get frustrated , grow old, change mentally, grow spiritually, have mental break downs and wonder is we were meant for each other. But the difference is, I want to go through all of that together, with you. I wan to encourage you, pray for and with you, grow mentally, spiritually and physically. I want to be the one you get frustrated with and I want to be the one to fix it. I want you to know the love Christ has for you. This unconditional, pure love. I want to hep you academically , I want to spiritually grow together and hear and learn all about you. I'm all in. To me, thus what i consider love. An unconditional, vulnerable emotion. If thats not what you think it is than please tell me because I need to fix my perspective. Sure, we may be moving too fast and have grown stagnant spiritually and mentally but lets fix that. Relationships are hard work and heart- wrenching. But I'm all in if you are. I need you to lead me and tell me where our relationship is going. Please try to be the man I know you can be. I promise, you'll learn to love it eventually.
12/5/13
What is reading day meant for anyway? I think Jerry Fallwell knows quite well that no one is reading abnormal amounts of power points.
Well, i guess I will just tell you what we did! I woke up at 7 and called you and you hated me. Its like waking up a bear… a Dyl Bear. I came over, and make you breakfast and just kind of cuddled for the next two hours. We then drove to Christmas Convo at 10 in the morning and went back to your house and played with Taylor (the guitar not the person), took pictures and did tons of home work before coming back to my place for open dorm. We played Quelf with Meighan and Jordan and apparentlyI was pregnant with Spongebob's baby.
It was tons of fun hanging out with you before Christmas. Next semester I think we should have more double dates. But hey, I love you!!
Well, i guess I will just tell you what we did! I woke up at 7 and called you and you hated me. Its like waking up a bear… a Dyl Bear. I came over, and make you breakfast and just kind of cuddled for the next two hours. We then drove to Christmas Convo at 10 in the morning and went back to your house and played with Taylor (the guitar not the person), took pictures and did tons of home work before coming back to my place for open dorm. We played Quelf with Meighan and Jordan and apparentlyI was pregnant with Spongebob's baby.
It was tons of fun hanging out with you before Christmas. Next semester I think we should have more double dates. But hey, I love you!!
12/3/13
Goooooood Morning!!!! Sarah Palin started to bore me so I started doing the journal early. She is a very good speaker. No one gives her credit. Now those words that come out of her mouth are a very different story. So our 30/30 (or our Thirty- Thirty as we found out yesterday) date has been cancelled. Breakfast tomorrow with cookies! Oh and Christmas Convo! And mistletoe ;) And no, you're not allowed to put it in your pants.
As much as i try, you're still a guy.
I'm so proud of you though! You pulled a typical husband move and told you work that you'd be bringing in cookies… but you don't bake. What would happen if I decided I wasn't able to make these cookies huh?! 0_0 Everyone at your work would get your homemade salt cookies instead; because whats the difference between salt and sugar anyway? What happened to communication?! "Hey pookie bear with the cure butt? Could you help me make cookies for my work? You're good at it and your sexy at everything else." That is how you get me to make cookies!
We're so freaking cute! Even when you try to force me to say the "F" word in the middle of a pedestrian tunnel after getting Sheetz before hall meeting. Thank you for that by the way! I kind of want to start making a tab for me to see if we break up, how much money I would owe you in the long run. Even thought you're broke, you still pay for everything, I'm starting to think you're robbing more than just your video- editing job. Make sure you dry clean your black ski mask, they get sweaty very easily.
As much as i try, you're still a guy.
I'm so proud of you though! You pulled a typical husband move and told you work that you'd be bringing in cookies… but you don't bake. What would happen if I decided I wasn't able to make these cookies huh?! 0_0 Everyone at your work would get your homemade salt cookies instead; because whats the difference between salt and sugar anyway? What happened to communication?! "Hey pookie bear with the cure butt? Could you help me make cookies for my work? You're good at it and your sexy at everything else." That is how you get me to make cookies!
We're so freaking cute! Even when you try to force me to say the "F" word in the middle of a pedestrian tunnel after getting Sheetz before hall meeting. Thank you for that by the way! I kind of want to start making a tab for me to see if we break up, how much money I would owe you in the long run. Even thought you're broke, you still pay for everything, I'm starting to think you're robbing more than just your video- editing job. Make sure you dry clean your black ski mask, they get sweaty very easily.
Friday, January 17, 2014
12/3/13
I was talking to my mom on the phone today and for the first time ever I felt myself wanting to tell her all about a person, you. Of course, I couldnt stop myself from telling her more about break and how I;n dreading going home for Christmas and how i want it say a little longer so I can have more time with you. " you must really love him. You're in the ' I cannot get enough of him' love." she nailed it!
I thought she would talk about how I'm being an idiot and how i should be wiring on school and watch out for losing friends because of a relationship. But she didn't say that. She went on and told me how she remembers when she was my age and the way she felt when she met my dad. They could not get enough of each other. "Every second away from him was a wasted second in my eyes." and right now, as i speak, I am wasting a moment because I'm in bed nearly falling asleep. I'm sorry for using your deodorant….
I love you to the moon and back! I can't wait for our Thirty- Thirty date tomorrow, sooooo amazing!!!
I thought she would talk about how I'm being an idiot and how i should be wiring on school and watch out for losing friends because of a relationship. But she didn't say that. She went on and told me how she remembers when she was my age and the way she felt when she met my dad. They could not get enough of each other. "Every second away from him was a wasted second in my eyes." and right now, as i speak, I am wasting a moment because I'm in bed nearly falling asleep. I'm sorry for using your deodorant….
I love you to the moon and back! I can't wait for our Thirty- Thirty date tomorrow, sooooo amazing!!!
12/2/13
"This is the first day of my life." Goodness, I've got to love that song!
i swear that shows exactly how I feel about you. Just like you said today, its that song that everyone has experienced and can just scream and say "yes!!" Exactly!! That song is exactly what got me through today.
A week of being spoiled and seeing you every waking moment and then having you turn from my arms back to "productive" things, well that sucks! i was a little depressed all day, hating myself and Liberty. With finals right down our back and only one week until we both leave, I hate thinking I just wasn't to be with you. "The safest thing for me us that i won't be able to kiss you New Year's Eve." I'n NOT looking forward to the break of hell in a week!
Thank you for coming to see me today in my depression, it made me realize it will be okay and how much I love you. I'll be okay. "And so I thought I'd let you know, that these things take forever, I especially am slow. But I realize that I need you and was wondering if I could home."
"Now I don't know where I am, Don't know where I've been, but I know where I want to go"
i swear that shows exactly how I feel about you. Just like you said today, its that song that everyone has experienced and can just scream and say "yes!!" Exactly!! That song is exactly what got me through today.
A week of being spoiled and seeing you every waking moment and then having you turn from my arms back to "productive" things, well that sucks! i was a little depressed all day, hating myself and Liberty. With finals right down our back and only one week until we both leave, I hate thinking I just wasn't to be with you. "The safest thing for me us that i won't be able to kiss you New Year's Eve." I'n NOT looking forward to the break of hell in a week!
Thank you for coming to see me today in my depression, it made me realize it will be okay and how much I love you. I'll be okay. "And so I thought I'd let you know, that these things take forever, I especially am slow. But I realize that I need you and was wondering if I could home."
"Now I don't know where I am, Don't know where I've been, but I know where I want to go"
I'm smitten by you :)
12/1/13
I never thought I'd hate December 1st as much as I do now.
A heads up: I'm not in the greatest of moods. I hate Liberty. I really do.
This week has really made me realize that. I loved being bake to fall asleep in your arms without someone counting the seconds or being able to wake up and kiss your stinky breath. Or even put my hand on you cheek and watch as a slight smile would come across your face. I hate that I can't look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you,a dn you kss me on the cheek without people staring at us like we're in jr. high again. I hate it.
I love you very much. And may I just say 13 hours in the car with you felt like two. Even when I need to do homework I felt like I was wasting my time because I just wanted to talk to you. I know this is jumping to conclusions but I love how open we've become this week. We've matured so much in our conversation. Even when talking about wedding and engagement rings (i LOVED that). I've always been one never to know if i would get marries and the thought that it may be to you makes me jump off the walls.
Thank you for being that amazing , even when i brought up a tough subject of your past and who was in that past. Im not going to lie, my heart was ripped out, almost as much as it was with Brandon. But I trust you and know I should never be jealous. Please just watch your step with her. I want you to influence her not the other way around.
A heads up: I'm not in the greatest of moods. I hate Liberty. I really do.
This week has really made me realize that. I loved being bake to fall asleep in your arms without someone counting the seconds or being able to wake up and kiss your stinky breath. Or even put my hand on you cheek and watch as a slight smile would come across your face. I hate that I can't look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you,a dn you kss me on the cheek without people staring at us like we're in jr. high again. I hate it.
I love you very much. And may I just say 13 hours in the car with you felt like two. Even when I need to do homework I felt like I was wasting my time because I just wanted to talk to you. I know this is jumping to conclusions but I love how open we've become this week. We've matured so much in our conversation. Even when talking about wedding and engagement rings (i LOVED that). I've always been one never to know if i would get marries and the thought that it may be to you makes me jump off the walls.
Thank you for being that amazing , even when i brought up a tough subject of your past and who was in that past. Im not going to lie, my heart was ripped out, almost as much as it was with Brandon. But I trust you and know I should never be jealous. Please just watch your step with her. I want you to influence her not the other way around.
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