12/6/13

I'm really sorry if you can't read my handwriting from last night, I totally forgot that you can't read script very well.
Today I started to have weird thoughts about our relationship. I mistakenly found you at Jazzman's studying and soon after I came there (with a 5- day long headache) you got up and left with Christina and for some reason I thought you were mad at me, I love Christina, don't get me wrong, but she makes me jealous sometimes. I'm working on it, I promise but I just wanted to tell you now.
Anyway when you walked away, I had the slight realization that I will be turning 20 in 10 days from tomorrow. Naturally, I started thinking about my future, which i have been thinking about for years now but I've only thought academically. Apparently you've been thinking about our future together too because tonight you had another freak out. And this is what the rest of the journal is going to be about.
I agree, I;ve changed a lot cine I've met you. But don't give yourself all the credit. I'm 19 going on 20  and I'm going to be changing physically and mentally for a few more years. I love you. Let me just throw that our there right now. Sometimes it offends me when you tell me I haven't had a lot of experience and I'm too young to understand love. But i know and have seen true love. You seem to think that every relationship that you;re in has to aim at perfection. Thats impossible. We're going to mess up , get frustrated , grow old, change mentally, grow spiritually, have mental break downs and wonder is we were meant for each other. But the difference is, I want to go through all of that together, with you. I wan to encourage you, pray for and with you, grow mentally, spiritually and physically. I want to be the one you get frustrated with and I want to be the one to fix it. I want you to know the love Christ has for you. This unconditional, pure love. I want to hep you academically , I want to spiritually grow together and hear and learn all about you. I'm all in. To me, thus what i consider love. An unconditional, vulnerable emotion. If thats not what you think it is than please tell me because I need to fix my perspective. Sure, we may be moving too fast and have grown stagnant spiritually and mentally but lets fix that. Relationships are hard work and heart- wrenching. But I'm all in if you are. I need you to lead me and tell me where our relationship is going. Please try to be the man I know you can be. I promise, you'll learn to love it eventually.