I feel like I need to apologize. Today was kind of an epic fail for an early birthday present. Not only did I temporarily decline your gift of a tattoo for my birthday but i also spent two hours talking with people on the phone only to decide that its not a good idea until next semester, I;m so sorry.
I'm so thankful that you're so patient and understanding because I don't think I'd be alive. Although today was a little bit of a disaster, like especially the "rope" conversation and Yule log snake conversations. it was still one of my favorite nights. Every moment i spend with you is completely different from the last. I learn more and more about this handsome man I call my best friend. I want you to know you can tell me anything and I will always be there for you. Always! As long as you don't sing "Santa Baby" to me again….
I love you so much…. so very much! and I can't wait to see where our lived lead us together.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
12/6/13
I'm really sorry if you can't read my handwriting from last night, I totally forgot that you can't read script very well.
Today I started to have weird thoughts about our relationship. I mistakenly found you at Jazzman's studying and soon after I came there (with a 5- day long headache) you got up and left with Christina and for some reason I thought you were mad at me, I love Christina, don't get me wrong, but she makes me jealous sometimes. I'm working on it, I promise but I just wanted to tell you now.
Anyway when you walked away, I had the slight realization that I will be turning 20 in 10 days from tomorrow. Naturally, I started thinking about my future, which i have been thinking about for years now but I've only thought academically. Apparently you've been thinking about our future together too because tonight you had another freak out. And this is what the rest of the journal is going to be about.
I agree, I;ve changed a lot cine I've met you. But don't give yourself all the credit. I'm 19 going on 20 and I'm going to be changing physically and mentally for a few more years. I love you. Let me just throw that our there right now. Sometimes it offends me when you tell me I haven't had a lot of experience and I'm too young to understand love. But i know and have seen true love. You seem to think that every relationship that you;re in has to aim at perfection. Thats impossible. We're going to mess up , get frustrated , grow old, change mentally, grow spiritually, have mental break downs and wonder is we were meant for each other. But the difference is, I want to go through all of that together, with you. I wan to encourage you, pray for and with you, grow mentally, spiritually and physically. I want to be the one you get frustrated with and I want to be the one to fix it. I want you to know the love Christ has for you. This unconditional, pure love. I want to hep you academically , I want to spiritually grow together and hear and learn all about you. I'm all in. To me, thus what i consider love. An unconditional, vulnerable emotion. If thats not what you think it is than please tell me because I need to fix my perspective. Sure, we may be moving too fast and have grown stagnant spiritually and mentally but lets fix that. Relationships are hard work and heart- wrenching. But I'm all in if you are. I need you to lead me and tell me where our relationship is going. Please try to be the man I know you can be. I promise, you'll learn to love it eventually.
Today I started to have weird thoughts about our relationship. I mistakenly found you at Jazzman's studying and soon after I came there (with a 5- day long headache) you got up and left with Christina and for some reason I thought you were mad at me, I love Christina, don't get me wrong, but she makes me jealous sometimes. I'm working on it, I promise but I just wanted to tell you now.
Anyway when you walked away, I had the slight realization that I will be turning 20 in 10 days from tomorrow. Naturally, I started thinking about my future, which i have been thinking about for years now but I've only thought academically. Apparently you've been thinking about our future together too because tonight you had another freak out. And this is what the rest of the journal is going to be about.
I agree, I;ve changed a lot cine I've met you. But don't give yourself all the credit. I'm 19 going on 20 and I'm going to be changing physically and mentally for a few more years. I love you. Let me just throw that our there right now. Sometimes it offends me when you tell me I haven't had a lot of experience and I'm too young to understand love. But i know and have seen true love. You seem to think that every relationship that you;re in has to aim at perfection. Thats impossible. We're going to mess up , get frustrated , grow old, change mentally, grow spiritually, have mental break downs and wonder is we were meant for each other. But the difference is, I want to go through all of that together, with you. I wan to encourage you, pray for and with you, grow mentally, spiritually and physically. I want to be the one you get frustrated with and I want to be the one to fix it. I want you to know the love Christ has for you. This unconditional, pure love. I want to hep you academically , I want to spiritually grow together and hear and learn all about you. I'm all in. To me, thus what i consider love. An unconditional, vulnerable emotion. If thats not what you think it is than please tell me because I need to fix my perspective. Sure, we may be moving too fast and have grown stagnant spiritually and mentally but lets fix that. Relationships are hard work and heart- wrenching. But I'm all in if you are. I need you to lead me and tell me where our relationship is going. Please try to be the man I know you can be. I promise, you'll learn to love it eventually.
12/5/13
What is reading day meant for anyway? I think Jerry Fallwell knows quite well that no one is reading abnormal amounts of power points.
Well, i guess I will just tell you what we did! I woke up at 7 and called you and you hated me. Its like waking up a bear… a Dyl Bear. I came over, and make you breakfast and just kind of cuddled for the next two hours. We then drove to Christmas Convo at 10 in the morning and went back to your house and played with Taylor (the guitar not the person), took pictures and did tons of home work before coming back to my place for open dorm. We played Quelf with Meighan and Jordan and apparentlyI was pregnant with Spongebob's baby.
It was tons of fun hanging out with you before Christmas. Next semester I think we should have more double dates. But hey, I love you!!
Well, i guess I will just tell you what we did! I woke up at 7 and called you and you hated me. Its like waking up a bear… a Dyl Bear. I came over, and make you breakfast and just kind of cuddled for the next two hours. We then drove to Christmas Convo at 10 in the morning and went back to your house and played with Taylor (the guitar not the person), took pictures and did tons of home work before coming back to my place for open dorm. We played Quelf with Meighan and Jordan and apparentlyI was pregnant with Spongebob's baby.
It was tons of fun hanging out with you before Christmas. Next semester I think we should have more double dates. But hey, I love you!!
12/3/13
Goooooood Morning!!!! Sarah Palin started to bore me so I started doing the journal early. She is a very good speaker. No one gives her credit. Now those words that come out of her mouth are a very different story. So our 30/30 (or our Thirty- Thirty as we found out yesterday) date has been cancelled. Breakfast tomorrow with cookies! Oh and Christmas Convo! And mistletoe ;) And no, you're not allowed to put it in your pants.
As much as i try, you're still a guy.
I'm so proud of you though! You pulled a typical husband move and told you work that you'd be bringing in cookies… but you don't bake. What would happen if I decided I wasn't able to make these cookies huh?! 0_0 Everyone at your work would get your homemade salt cookies instead; because whats the difference between salt and sugar anyway? What happened to communication?! "Hey pookie bear with the cure butt? Could you help me make cookies for my work? You're good at it and your sexy at everything else." That is how you get me to make cookies!
We're so freaking cute! Even when you try to force me to say the "F" word in the middle of a pedestrian tunnel after getting Sheetz before hall meeting. Thank you for that by the way! I kind of want to start making a tab for me to see if we break up, how much money I would owe you in the long run. Even thought you're broke, you still pay for everything, I'm starting to think you're robbing more than just your video- editing job. Make sure you dry clean your black ski mask, they get sweaty very easily.
As much as i try, you're still a guy.
I'm so proud of you though! You pulled a typical husband move and told you work that you'd be bringing in cookies… but you don't bake. What would happen if I decided I wasn't able to make these cookies huh?! 0_0 Everyone at your work would get your homemade salt cookies instead; because whats the difference between salt and sugar anyway? What happened to communication?! "Hey pookie bear with the cure butt? Could you help me make cookies for my work? You're good at it and your sexy at everything else." That is how you get me to make cookies!
We're so freaking cute! Even when you try to force me to say the "F" word in the middle of a pedestrian tunnel after getting Sheetz before hall meeting. Thank you for that by the way! I kind of want to start making a tab for me to see if we break up, how much money I would owe you in the long run. Even thought you're broke, you still pay for everything, I'm starting to think you're robbing more than just your video- editing job. Make sure you dry clean your black ski mask, they get sweaty very easily.
Friday, January 17, 2014
12/3/13
I was talking to my mom on the phone today and for the first time ever I felt myself wanting to tell her all about a person, you. Of course, I couldnt stop myself from telling her more about break and how I;n dreading going home for Christmas and how i want it say a little longer so I can have more time with you. " you must really love him. You're in the ' I cannot get enough of him' love." she nailed it!
I thought she would talk about how I'm being an idiot and how i should be wiring on school and watch out for losing friends because of a relationship. But she didn't say that. She went on and told me how she remembers when she was my age and the way she felt when she met my dad. They could not get enough of each other. "Every second away from him was a wasted second in my eyes." and right now, as i speak, I am wasting a moment because I'm in bed nearly falling asleep. I'm sorry for using your deodorant….
I love you to the moon and back! I can't wait for our Thirty- Thirty date tomorrow, sooooo amazing!!!
I thought she would talk about how I'm being an idiot and how i should be wiring on school and watch out for losing friends because of a relationship. But she didn't say that. She went on and told me how she remembers when she was my age and the way she felt when she met my dad. They could not get enough of each other. "Every second away from him was a wasted second in my eyes." and right now, as i speak, I am wasting a moment because I'm in bed nearly falling asleep. I'm sorry for using your deodorant….
I love you to the moon and back! I can't wait for our Thirty- Thirty date tomorrow, sooooo amazing!!!
12/2/13
"This is the first day of my life." Goodness, I've got to love that song!
i swear that shows exactly how I feel about you. Just like you said today, its that song that everyone has experienced and can just scream and say "yes!!" Exactly!! That song is exactly what got me through today.
A week of being spoiled and seeing you every waking moment and then having you turn from my arms back to "productive" things, well that sucks! i was a little depressed all day, hating myself and Liberty. With finals right down our back and only one week until we both leave, I hate thinking I just wasn't to be with you. "The safest thing for me us that i won't be able to kiss you New Year's Eve." I'n NOT looking forward to the break of hell in a week!
Thank you for coming to see me today in my depression, it made me realize it will be okay and how much I love you. I'll be okay. "And so I thought I'd let you know, that these things take forever, I especially am slow. But I realize that I need you and was wondering if I could home."
"Now I don't know where I am, Don't know where I've been, but I know where I want to go"
i swear that shows exactly how I feel about you. Just like you said today, its that song that everyone has experienced and can just scream and say "yes!!" Exactly!! That song is exactly what got me through today.
A week of being spoiled and seeing you every waking moment and then having you turn from my arms back to "productive" things, well that sucks! i was a little depressed all day, hating myself and Liberty. With finals right down our back and only one week until we both leave, I hate thinking I just wasn't to be with you. "The safest thing for me us that i won't be able to kiss you New Year's Eve." I'n NOT looking forward to the break of hell in a week!
Thank you for coming to see me today in my depression, it made me realize it will be okay and how much I love you. I'll be okay. "And so I thought I'd let you know, that these things take forever, I especially am slow. But I realize that I need you and was wondering if I could home."
"Now I don't know where I am, Don't know where I've been, but I know where I want to go"
I'm smitten by you :)
12/1/13
I never thought I'd hate December 1st as much as I do now.
A heads up: I'm not in the greatest of moods. I hate Liberty. I really do.
This week has really made me realize that. I loved being bake to fall asleep in your arms without someone counting the seconds or being able to wake up and kiss your stinky breath. Or even put my hand on you cheek and watch as a slight smile would come across your face. I hate that I can't look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you,a dn you kss me on the cheek without people staring at us like we're in jr. high again. I hate it.
I love you very much. And may I just say 13 hours in the car with you felt like two. Even when I need to do homework I felt like I was wasting my time because I just wanted to talk to you. I know this is jumping to conclusions but I love how open we've become this week. We've matured so much in our conversation. Even when talking about wedding and engagement rings (i LOVED that). I've always been one never to know if i would get marries and the thought that it may be to you makes me jump off the walls.
Thank you for being that amazing , even when i brought up a tough subject of your past and who was in that past. Im not going to lie, my heart was ripped out, almost as much as it was with Brandon. But I trust you and know I should never be jealous. Please just watch your step with her. I want you to influence her not the other way around.
A heads up: I'm not in the greatest of moods. I hate Liberty. I really do.
This week has really made me realize that. I loved being bake to fall asleep in your arms without someone counting the seconds or being able to wake up and kiss your stinky breath. Or even put my hand on you cheek and watch as a slight smile would come across your face. I hate that I can't look into your eyes and tell you how much I love you,a dn you kss me on the cheek without people staring at us like we're in jr. high again. I hate it.
I love you very much. And may I just say 13 hours in the car with you felt like two. Even when I need to do homework I felt like I was wasting my time because I just wanted to talk to you. I know this is jumping to conclusions but I love how open we've become this week. We've matured so much in our conversation. Even when talking about wedding and engagement rings (i LOVED that). I've always been one never to know if i would get marries and the thought that it may be to you makes me jump off the walls.
Thank you for being that amazing , even when i brought up a tough subject of your past and who was in that past. Im not going to lie, my heart was ripped out, almost as much as it was with Brandon. But I trust you and know I should never be jealous. Please just watch your step with her. I want you to influence her not the other way around.
11/30/14
Its the last day in Illinois. I don't want to leave. I loved everything. With that in mind, I wrote you a journal. It wasn't supposed to be for you, just about you and I'll send it to you on Facebook in the morning and I plan on reading it to you on the 13 hour trip. So with that said, the rest of this entry is actually that journal so go back to 12/1/13 on Facebook and find it :) I love you!
"There comes a time in your life were everything just feels right. I never understood how breakups could be so bad that people would want to kill themselves or would never want to see the outside world. As awful as it sounds, I understand now. I dont know how to thank you enough for bringing me to Illinois. I might say that it is flat and possibly a little boring but ive never felt more at home than I did here. Your parents were so welcoming and your friends so inviting, almost like I was meant to be in your relationships. Im sitting in bed right now almost in tears because I dont want to leave. I am afraid. I dont want to go back to the way I was and the way things were back at school. I dont only mean doing work and working and such but I also mean not being able to wake you up every morning or simply look into your eyes as you start to fall asleep and not being able to place my hand on your cheek thinking about how much love and joy you fill me with as im wrapped in your arms. Ive never felt this way before, never even with you. I got to see you this week be the happiest ive ever seen you since ive met you. You have this compassion that just overflows into every relationship and this sense of joy that masks the heartbreak you've had in your life. I got to shed some tears with you on Thanksgiving for my dad. I really wish he could have met you. With all my heart. I would give up anything just for him to see how you make me smile with every sentence you say. Or how you make me laugh at the stupidest things that quickly become our new inside jokes. Originally I was scared for this week, I wasnt 100% sure about the whole idea of comign to illinois and seeing otns of people I didnt know and seeing a side of you ive never seen before. Never was I so wrong to think that. I was a little homesick at first and didnt really know what to do but the more I thought about it, the more I realized im at home as long as im with you. I know that sounds cheesy but im being serious. There was never a moment this weekend where I felt misplaced or lost because you simply looked at me and smiled. I dont think you will ever know how much this week will forever mean to me. It has given me the sense of assurance that I needed because I saw the confidence and protection and homeliness your embrace offered. Thats what scares me the most about Christmas break, I dont want our relationship to ever grow stagnant: I dont ever want it to be the same. Ive seen way too many people be broken apart because they didnt show the verb of love. The way that your dad talks about you is absolutely incredible, he loves you beyond words and I only hope that one day I can find the words to show you a glimpse of how much I love you. Your parents have done an incredible job on you and I never want to jeprodize that. I want to encourage you to persue your dreams and to always share your struggles, we're a team. It scares me how much I love you sometimes because I know to love is to be vulnerable, its a risk and I dont want to be hurt. But I thank God here and now for this passion inside of me to get to know you better and to be your best friend. I know its only been 2.5 months but I feel like I ve known you forever and I want to continue learning about you and growing with you for the rest of my life. Thank you for a completely life changing week."
"There comes a time in your life were everything just feels right. I never understood how breakups could be so bad that people would want to kill themselves or would never want to see the outside world. As awful as it sounds, I understand now. I dont know how to thank you enough for bringing me to Illinois. I might say that it is flat and possibly a little boring but ive never felt more at home than I did here. Your parents were so welcoming and your friends so inviting, almost like I was meant to be in your relationships. Im sitting in bed right now almost in tears because I dont want to leave. I am afraid. I dont want to go back to the way I was and the way things were back at school. I dont only mean doing work and working and such but I also mean not being able to wake you up every morning or simply look into your eyes as you start to fall asleep and not being able to place my hand on your cheek thinking about how much love and joy you fill me with as im wrapped in your arms. Ive never felt this way before, never even with you. I got to see you this week be the happiest ive ever seen you since ive met you. You have this compassion that just overflows into every relationship and this sense of joy that masks the heartbreak you've had in your life. I got to shed some tears with you on Thanksgiving for my dad. I really wish he could have met you. With all my heart. I would give up anything just for him to see how you make me smile with every sentence you say. Or how you make me laugh at the stupidest things that quickly become our new inside jokes. Originally I was scared for this week, I wasnt 100% sure about the whole idea of comign to illinois and seeing otns of people I didnt know and seeing a side of you ive never seen before. Never was I so wrong to think that. I was a little homesick at first and didnt really know what to do but the more I thought about it, the more I realized im at home as long as im with you. I know that sounds cheesy but im being serious. There was never a moment this weekend where I felt misplaced or lost because you simply looked at me and smiled. I dont think you will ever know how much this week will forever mean to me. It has given me the sense of assurance that I needed because I saw the confidence and protection and homeliness your embrace offered. Thats what scares me the most about Christmas break, I dont want our relationship to ever grow stagnant: I dont ever want it to be the same. Ive seen way too many people be broken apart because they didnt show the verb of love. The way that your dad talks about you is absolutely incredible, he loves you beyond words and I only hope that one day I can find the words to show you a glimpse of how much I love you. Your parents have done an incredible job on you and I never want to jeprodize that. I want to encourage you to persue your dreams and to always share your struggles, we're a team. It scares me how much I love you sometimes because I know to love is to be vulnerable, its a risk and I dont want to be hurt. But I thank God here and now for this passion inside of me to get to know you better and to be your best friend. I know its only been 2.5 months but I feel like I ve known you forever and I want to continue learning about you and growing with you for the rest of my life. Thank you for a completely life changing week."
11/29/13
I've got a new friend, her name is Taylor!
Speaking of Taylor, I met your Taylor today, Everyone needs their own Taylor!
She's gorgeous, both go them. You two are so funny together. I can see the history of you two roll off your lips every time you speak. I love it! Theres nothing more I want than for others to see that "I don't care, I love you" history between us.
I think my favorite thing about going to Illinois is seeing your eyes light up when you show me everything. It's really funny to see your reaction when I reach for your hand just as your supposed t go meet your friends. "What the heck , get off you're sticky!" We're that stupidly cute couple who walks into restaurants, bars and coffee shops with our hands in our pockets and laughing until our black-rimmed glasses fall off.
We may be 6 years apart but our birthdays are right next to each other and we're wanna- be hipster- haters… how much more perfect?! Yeah, that doesn't make sense. I'm going to stop talking now.
*Listening to Philip Wesley- Light & Shadow
*Listening to Philip Wesley- Light & Shadow
11/28/13
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
I don't know where to start with thanking you.
You've been everything for me and to me. Even though I thankGod for you and for the work he is doing in you and in us, I still don't think I have thanked you enough. And I never will be able to, but that will not stop me form trying.
Thank you for being Dylan
That sweet, compassionate, hilarious, loving, caring, merciful, understanding, talkative, friendly, outgoing, kind, passionate, patient, humble, knowledgable, wise, heart- warming, forgiving, hopeful, believing, faithful, loyal. adorable, sexy Dylan.
Thank you for always making my me want to be a better person.
Thank you for petting my head like a little puppy when I am upset.
Thank you for holding me tight and showing me that kind, bright smile that i long for everyday.
Thank you for being the sign that leads me to the rock of salvation to always make wise decisions.
Thank you for telling me the truth.
Thank you for disagreeing with me and putting me in my place.
Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder.
Thank you for making my dad proud.
Thank you for making me proud.
Thank you for your encouragement in pursuing my dreams.
Thank you for understanding.
Thank you for trying.
Thank you for succeeding.
Thank you for everything you've spent money on me for.
Thank you for always being the ear that i needed to listen.
Thank you for your advice and for your heart that breaks for what breaks God's.
Thank you for being so cuddly and warm.
Thank you for the words I can't say about you, that are simply indescribable.
For being you and never faltering from being any less, or any less weird.
Thank you for being a team.
I know I've missed a lot but there is not enough paper in the world to tell you how much you mean to me. I'm sorry I don't tell you in person. I can never erin the words to. But just know, every hug, Every kiss, every longing stare, every test, every call, every snuggle us only a fraction of every word I've missed of every way my mind is taken over by my heart.
11/27/13
Wow, I'm sorry that last one was so cheesy! EWEY! Get it off! It's sticky!
I kind of feel bad. You are going to come to Jersey and I literally have no friends to introduce you to. It's kind of sad. You've taken me all over Tremont, Peoria, and Pekin to meet friends and brought me to 30/30 to get black coffee. Congrats on making me love black coffee. And I know I told you before but you have the greatest most normally awkwardly horrible friends ever! You just compliment each other.
May I also just say that we have a B.A. first kiss story?!
Forbidden love meets at the top of a gazeboed mountain on a foggy night after 12 a.m curfew. One man, one woman, one desire! *insert action music here* "If its the beaches.." one phone playing the most magical music. Two bodies swaying to the rhythm. And one MAN who stole the kiss (thats right, it was you). But it doesn't end there! Embark on the epic journal of young love caught on a mountain, after curfew, locked behind a gate with a Bible on the dashboard. This summer… Will she make it to the C-lab in the raining dark night… alone?!
Spoiler alert!
she makes it… she is me! :)
P.S. never get condensed milk from the fresh market ;)
May I also just say that we have a B.A. first kiss story?!
Forbidden love meets at the top of a gazeboed mountain on a foggy night after 12 a.m curfew. One man, one woman, one desire! *insert action music here* "If its the beaches.." one phone playing the most magical music. Two bodies swaying to the rhythm. And one MAN who stole the kiss (thats right, it was you). But it doesn't end there! Embark on the epic journal of young love caught on a mountain, after curfew, locked behind a gate with a Bible on the dashboard. This summer… Will she make it to the C-lab in the raining dark night… alone?!
Spoiler alert!
she makes it… she is me! :)
P.S. never get condensed milk from the fresh market ;)
11/26/13
There are not any times in my 20 years of experience where I can honestly day that I feel at home. Most of the time I'm an idiot and I start to get attached toy a place that doesn't exist.
I am very easily getting attached to Illinois.
Especially Chicago (ahem).
Your friends are incredible! Its just so amazing to see you be happy again and not stressed because of the elephant sized work load that is on you. I get to go all Animal Planet zoologist and see my Dyl Bear in his natural habitat. And I love it!
You know that song by Brad Paisley, "Then?"
"We've come so far since that day, and I thought I loved you then."
It's so true!! Last week, even yesterday, as i watched you walk through the streets of Chicago, I didn't think it was possible for me to love you more.
My brain was so wrong.
My hear is winning this match and you stole it. Everyday I spend with you is the first day of my life. You make me want a new beginning so I don't remember my days apart from you. You make me want to be a better person. And you make me want to follow you into the dark.
P.S. I love Tressa!
11/25/13
CHICAGO!!!!
So i tried writing this one on the rein back from Chicago but found a comfy shoulder to sleep on ;)
With that said, I woke up a little early to write this one just waiting for you to come in and jump on me.
I know thats something I am going to miss when we head back to school.
This week Ive been spoiled!
Anyway! We went to Chicago and I have so much to tell you! Sure, it may not be NYC but thats why i loved it! NYC is very touristy and i would never want to love there. Chicago is like a large community focused more on the people that live there than the ones who are visiting. It's the city of artists while NYC is the city of musicians. But despite this, my favorite part was definitely the Myopic Bookstore. I get this warm feeling inside me when i look in a bookstore or antiques or a museum and I felt like an archeologist searching for the lost map to Treasure Island.
I think I just lied though.
My favorite part about Chicago wasn't all the hipsters, beans or even the amazing Ashley.
It was you.
It was the way I felt when I was holding your hand with Starbucks in the other, a bunny-like hate on my head as I watched the snow softly blanket the streets in crystals as each individual one got stuck in your beard.
If you ever said you wanted to move to Chicago, I would follow you. I had so much fun today and I simply cannot wait to see whats going to happen tomorrow.
I've realized that when I write, its all mostly serious and sometimes not fun, so i apologize. I hope/ want you to enjoy this whole year of letters so I'm going to try and make more fun ones :)
I think I just lied though.
My favorite part about Chicago wasn't all the hipsters, beans or even the amazing Ashley.
It was you.
It was the way I felt when I was holding your hand with Starbucks in the other, a bunny-like hate on my head as I watched the snow softly blanket the streets in crystals as each individual one got stuck in your beard.
If you ever said you wanted to move to Chicago, I would follow you. I had so much fun today and I simply cannot wait to see whats going to happen tomorrow.
I've realized that when I write, its all mostly serious and sometimes not fun, so i apologize. I hope/ want you to enjoy this whole year of letters so I'm going to try and make more fun ones :)
1 month until Christmas by the way!
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
11/24/13
Every single moment i spend with you, the more i realize I love you!
Im with your family and your friends in Illinois!
I have never felt this way about anyone before. Yes, it scares me. but seeing you back home sets off this awakening in me and i can just see you so genuinely happy.
Today at Elevate we were talking about 1 Corinthians 13. She mentioned having patience, communicating and loving. Praying in love, have good intentions and always find something to encourage each other in. Ive been told many times by Amanda and Chris that when you love someone, you will know.
Time just stands still and every moment you spend with that person is completely different from the last.
"Love is about sewing and reaping" I never really understood that phrase but i kind of understand it now. I want to be encouraging and always want to be there for you just as I would always want you to be there for me.
We're a team!
Im with your family and your friends in Illinois!
I have never felt this way about anyone before. Yes, it scares me. but seeing you back home sets off this awakening in me and i can just see you so genuinely happy.
Today at Elevate we were talking about 1 Corinthians 13. She mentioned having patience, communicating and loving. Praying in love, have good intentions and always find something to encourage each other in. Ive been told many times by Amanda and Chris that when you love someone, you will know.
Time just stands still and every moment you spend with that person is completely different from the last.
"Love is about sewing and reaping" I never really understood that phrase but i kind of understand it now. I want to be encouraging and always want to be there for you just as I would always want you to be there for me.
We're a team!
11/23/13
There are days in my life that i will look back on remember each day, every moment, and every word. This is not one of those days. haha! But today you did ask me if i was homesick to which I immediately answered no.
wait.
me?
Not homesick?
In Illinois?
That just hit me!
I am usually that person that no matter how far you take me from my family, I will always be homesick.
Earlier in ou relationship you told me how you were afraid that Jersey was becoming my safe zone; that it was the one thing that was holding me back from following that God- given potential that you first fell in love with.
That sentence was the thing that ran throughout my head the next two months and beyond. I started to think of New Jersey as my home and only my home. It wasn't my safe zone. I am not quite ready to move away from it yet but i know that my future family means so much more to me than that.
I know my family and friends will try to hold me back but i need to trust that God knows what he is doing.
So when you asked me that homesick question today I was curious why i answered so quickly. I mean i've spent the past 19 Thanksgivings with my family. But i figured out why i said no.
You are my new home.
How can i be homesick when i am home?
But the difference isn't that you are holding me back form my perseverance, you are encouraging it. Thank you for making me feel that home that i didn't think existed.
wait.
me?
Not homesick?
In Illinois?
That just hit me!
I am usually that person that no matter how far you take me from my family, I will always be homesick.
Earlier in ou relationship you told me how you were afraid that Jersey was becoming my safe zone; that it was the one thing that was holding me back from following that God- given potential that you first fell in love with.
That sentence was the thing that ran throughout my head the next two months and beyond. I started to think of New Jersey as my home and only my home. It wasn't my safe zone. I am not quite ready to move away from it yet but i know that my future family means so much more to me than that.
I know my family and friends will try to hold me back but i need to trust that God knows what he is doing.
So when you asked me that homesick question today I was curious why i answered so quickly. I mean i've spent the past 19 Thanksgivings with my family. But i figured out why i said no.
You are my new home.
How can i be homesick when i am home?
But the difference isn't that you are holding me back form my perseverance, you are encouraging it. Thank you for making me feel that home that i didn't think existed.
11/22/13
I have to admit that i actually wrote this one the next morning because of the long drive. But may I just say that was an incredible drive, long but i was with you!
There was a part where we got cranky and started a little discussion but it turned out well. It was about changing my music to yours because you were getting tired. Im not going to lie, I was a little upset about it because just as much as music was a major part of your life , so was it of mine. There were songs that I haven't heard for awhile, songs that define myself and obviously I didn't want to chance that. But you an see though my transparent emotions and saw how upset i was and knew that you hurt me. By then didn't care but me being stupid you wanted to talk through it with me and I have a horrific communication skill. "I'm not dating you like I've dated all those other girls. We never talked through things and they resented me. See what good that got me?"
Im sorry i don't communicate how I feel. I think thats just my way of making sure everything is good, so i musk my emotions. I am going to work on it, I am going to fail at times but just like you, I don't want this relationship to fail. I want to love you, respect you and most of all communicate with you. we are both immature in this relationship and we don't know what we're doing but i need to learn if something is bothering me to tell you. You may not agree but you will listen.
There was a part where we got cranky and started a little discussion but it turned out well. It was about changing my music to yours because you were getting tired. Im not going to lie, I was a little upset about it because just as much as music was a major part of your life , so was it of mine. There were songs that I haven't heard for awhile, songs that define myself and obviously I didn't want to chance that. But you an see though my transparent emotions and saw how upset i was and knew that you hurt me. By then didn't care but me being stupid you wanted to talk through it with me and I have a horrific communication skill. "I'm not dating you like I've dated all those other girls. We never talked through things and they resented me. See what good that got me?"
Im sorry i don't communicate how I feel. I think thats just my way of making sure everything is good, so i musk my emotions. I am going to work on it, I am going to fail at times but just like you, I don't want this relationship to fail. I want to love you, respect you and most of all communicate with you. we are both immature in this relationship and we don't know what we're doing but i need to learn if something is bothering me to tell you. You may not agree but you will listen.
11/21/13
I can't believe tomorrow morning i am going on a 13 hour road trip with my best friend. Part of me is scared though. I don't think I've spent more than 8 hours with you one- on one before. i feel like this could make or break the relationship. But nonetheless, I'm excited! I need to end now to get up early tomorrow Im sorry in advance for all the baggage by the way! :)
11/20/13
Guess what day it is! Hump day! Whoop Whoop!
The more and more I write in this journal the more i'm curious what is marked as "Do Not Read Marybeth" on your phone…. Just saying.
Anyway! I've realized as the days draw closer to Thanksgiving, the less i see of you. I don't like it! I understand we'll have a whole week together but whats a few more days? :)
But these days have taught me a lot, they've shown me how bored i am without you and how much time i have, but most of all they've shown me that i can't live without you. Despite not seeing you as much, I still think about you 24/7 and daydream about kissing you in the middle of my Philosophy class. I'm SO excited, I don't think you'll every know how much I really am! A whole week! With my Dylan! BOOM!
Also, have i told you lately that I love you?
I can't help but just shout it from the rooftops! I read this article tonight bout "10 was to Know your Boyfriend is a Man." At first I just though " I wonder how Dylan would do" and as each one passed by, my grin just increased and i know you are a man! Sometimes I realize how much I take you for granted or just don't listen to you or are just plan old rude. And I want to say I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, only human. I've got everything I've ever want and the greedy side of me starts to complain. I want you to know you are worth more to me than gold. I want my life to scream love and passion and i feel you everyday being that amazing support i news. God really hit the nail on the head with this one.
The more and more I write in this journal the more i'm curious what is marked as "Do Not Read Marybeth" on your phone…. Just saying.
Anyway! I've realized as the days draw closer to Thanksgiving, the less i see of you. I don't like it! I understand we'll have a whole week together but whats a few more days? :)
But these days have taught me a lot, they've shown me how bored i am without you and how much time i have, but most of all they've shown me that i can't live without you. Despite not seeing you as much, I still think about you 24/7 and daydream about kissing you in the middle of my Philosophy class. I'm SO excited, I don't think you'll every know how much I really am! A whole week! With my Dylan! BOOM!
Also, have i told you lately that I love you?
I can't help but just shout it from the rooftops! I read this article tonight bout "10 was to Know your Boyfriend is a Man." At first I just though " I wonder how Dylan would do" and as each one passed by, my grin just increased and i know you are a man! Sometimes I realize how much I take you for granted or just don't listen to you or are just plan old rude. And I want to say I'm sorry. I'm an idiot, only human. I've got everything I've ever want and the greedy side of me starts to complain. I want you to know you are worth more to me than gold. I want my life to scream love and passion and i feel you everyday being that amazing support i news. God really hit the nail on the head with this one.
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
11/19/13
Two more days and I get to spend a whole week with the man I love! Sometimes I think about the word "love" and who much the word means to me since i met you. Yes, I mean met you, not date you. The first time i met you, i know my life would never be the same again. You quickly went from being someone who i knew to someone I Couldn't get enough of. I don't think you'll ever know how much it meant to me when we went up to the Monogram and we talked about the boy i was dating at that time. That was the moment I knew I was in trouble. I was quickly falling for the boy i now call my best friend. When you gave me that key, your key, I wanted to swallow it or just put it under my skin so I would never lose it, because losing it in my mind, meant losing you. As our relationship was challenged over the summer, I know that I could never lose you. It wasn't possible. You meant way to much to me.
Everyday I would pray for you and go on Facebook and see if any other gigs were competing. I soon realized that although writing letters were fun, they weren't working to truly show you what you want to me. Therefor I embarked on the journey to mini- blogging my thoughts on little pieces of paper and shoving them all into a mini treasure chest. there was everything in there. But still not enough, I needed to show you the love that i felt and wanted you to feel! Bible verses were always my got o and I wanted to show you the everlasting love of Christ. But yet it wasn't enough so I've concluded: you will never know, you will only feel it. But that doesn't mean i will stop trying to show you for as long as I love you.
Just a little side note: I do want to make you more of those notes because I loved watching your eyes light up at every word and letter. I'm talking to you on Facebook right now, and yes, I am being a weirdo and I have been for the past few days but especially for the past 30 minutes writing this journal. I've realized its not only you that makes my joyous but also talking about you and verbally appreciating you makes me love you even more. you should try it sometime it feels great to finally be happy again.
Everyday I would pray for you and go on Facebook and see if any other gigs were competing. I soon realized that although writing letters were fun, they weren't working to truly show you what you want to me. Therefor I embarked on the journey to mini- blogging my thoughts on little pieces of paper and shoving them all into a mini treasure chest. there was everything in there. But still not enough, I needed to show you the love that i felt and wanted you to feel! Bible verses were always my got o and I wanted to show you the everlasting love of Christ. But yet it wasn't enough so I've concluded: you will never know, you will only feel it. But that doesn't mean i will stop trying to show you for as long as I love you.
Just a little side note: I do want to make you more of those notes because I loved watching your eyes light up at every word and letter. I'm talking to you on Facebook right now, and yes, I am being a weirdo and I have been for the past few days but especially for the past 30 minutes writing this journal. I've realized its not only you that makes my joyous but also talking about you and verbally appreciating you makes me love you even more. you should try it sometime it feels great to finally be happy again.
11/18/13
Today was just on of those days. My phone is still broken when I wake up and my mom starts freaking out about going to Illinois. All i needed was a Dylan hug and you gave one to me, I love your hugs! For some reason I feel like I'm at home, like I've found my place.
Today we did get frustrated with each other from the massive amounts of stress for Thanksgiving, my mother, our jobs, and money issues. Ant it was not fun but i realized that nothing can ever come between us. We either laugh it odd or realize we love each other too much to keep disagreeing. Thank you for being amazing and caring and helping me out even if I wouldn't tell you my mom's secret she promised.
Only 3 more days and I get to be with you for a whole week! Im more beyond excited…And I'm tired….
11/17/13
So it turns out I have to pay $200 for a phone. Dang it! It still gets calls though! Why?! Anyway, not having a phone has taught me to spend my time a little differently and to appreciate the little things. The reason why I was being so snuggly in the middle of church was because I was so happy and joyous to know that I genuinely love you and missed you so much yesterday.
I love when you're at church with me. I just want to hold your hand the whole service and always be there for you but you know… Jae ad Jonathan…. Don't want to make them third wheels. I tried to go get my phone fixed today and you being the amazing boyfriend that you are, you came to help me. I was just getting frustrated because you were getting frustrated and didn't love Verizon and wasn't giving them a chance. I did learn about them though. I did just want you to know that whatever happened to my phone was my fault, my responsibility not yours whatsoever. Now whether or not anyone helps me is our of pure kindness. The fact that you were trying to made me happy. Whether or not those options worked is completely out of the question.
I came over to make you pasta because i knew you were upset and we had an argument with Jae about Aesthetics. It was awesome! Sometimes I wish you would have helped me a little but at the same time Jae was there. Thank you for loving my friends!
I love when you're at church with me. I just want to hold your hand the whole service and always be there for you but you know… Jae ad Jonathan…. Don't want to make them third wheels. I tried to go get my phone fixed today and you being the amazing boyfriend that you are, you came to help me. I was just getting frustrated because you were getting frustrated and didn't love Verizon and wasn't giving them a chance. I did learn about them though. I did just want you to know that whatever happened to my phone was my fault, my responsibility not yours whatsoever. Now whether or not anyone helps me is our of pure kindness. The fact that you were trying to made me happy. Whether or not those options worked is completely out of the question.
I came over to make you pasta because i knew you were upset and we had an argument with Jae about Aesthetics. It was awesome! Sometimes I wish you would have helped me a little but at the same time Jae was there. Thank you for loving my friends!
11/16/13
Sometimes theres days were they are seriously, purely, Dylan Days and I have Dylan all to myself, a lllllll day! (Son!) And then there are days like this where I don't see you all day. Although I got to have some much needed Jae time all i wanted was you. I got a lot done but I like your face way too much to not make that a priority on my list. I think the only thing that held me over for not coming over and distracting you was that in 5 days I get to spend an entire week with the man if my dreams and his family. Can't wait! Hopefully I can get my phone fixed before we go.
11/15/13
Happy 2 month! I know what you're thinking, "this isn't a whole year!" Well, i didn't think of this (amazing) idea until a few week ago and figures it would probably be best to start on a day thats just random. Don't worry, I will make sure to go two months of writing beyond our one year to make sure the 365 days are complete.
Anyway. May i just say, I love you. Today was amazing. As much as you might say you are an awful boyfriend, i don't think i could disagree more. You took me for a walk throughout downtown Lynchburg (one of my favorite places) after completely missing the Manner Banquet ( and I looked hot btdubs). We went to your new favorite pizza place, Waterstone, and then to Whitehart and Kroger to find out you'd have to pay $80 for cans of soda for 30 points extra credit in your science class.
Although, i loved all of those places, my favorite things about the night weren't where you took me but instead how you made me feel. Like when you opened the door it made me feel like you were proud. When you held my hand it made me feel wanted. When you kissed me, it made me feel loved, when we took the best picture ever, it made me feel honored. And when you called me beautiful it made me feel, well, beautiful.
Anyway. May i just say, I love you. Today was amazing. As much as you might say you are an awful boyfriend, i don't think i could disagree more. You took me for a walk throughout downtown Lynchburg (one of my favorite places) after completely missing the Manner Banquet ( and I looked hot btdubs). We went to your new favorite pizza place, Waterstone, and then to Whitehart and Kroger to find out you'd have to pay $80 for cans of soda for 30 points extra credit in your science class.
Although, i loved all of those places, my favorite things about the night weren't where you took me but instead how you made me feel. Like when you opened the door it made me feel like you were proud. When you held my hand it made me feel wanted. When you kissed me, it made me feel loved, when we took the best picture ever, it made me feel honored. And when you called me beautiful it made me feel, well, beautiful.
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