Its the last day in Illinois. I don't want to leave. I loved everything. With that in mind, I wrote you a journal. It wasn't supposed to be for you, just about you and I'll send it to you on Facebook in the morning and I plan on reading it to you on the 13 hour trip. So with that said, the rest of this entry is actually that journal so go back to 12/1/13 on Facebook and find it :) I love you!
"There comes a time in your life were everything just feels right. I never understood how breakups could be so bad that people would want to kill themselves or would never want to see the outside world. As awful as it sounds, I understand now. I dont know how to thank you enough for bringing me to Illinois. I might say that it is flat and possibly a little boring but ive never felt more at home than I did here. Your parents were so welcoming and your friends so inviting, almost like I was meant to be in your relationships. Im sitting in bed right now almost in tears because I dont want to leave. I am afraid. I dont want to go back to the way I was and the way things were back at school. I dont only mean doing work and working and such but I also mean not being able to wake you up every morning or simply look into your eyes as you start to fall asleep and not being able to place my hand on your cheek thinking about how much love and joy you fill me with as im wrapped in your arms. Ive never felt this way before, never even with you. I got to see you this week be the happiest ive ever seen you since ive met you. You have this compassion that just overflows into every relationship and this sense of joy that masks the heartbreak you've had in your life. I got to shed some tears with you on Thanksgiving for my dad. I really wish he could have met you. With all my heart. I would give up anything just for him to see how you make me smile with every sentence you say. Or how you make me laugh at the stupidest things that quickly become our new inside jokes. Originally I was scared for this week, I wasnt 100% sure about the whole idea of comign to illinois and seeing otns of people I didnt know and seeing a side of you ive never seen before. Never was I so wrong to think that. I was a little homesick at first and didnt really know what to do but the more I thought about it, the more I realized im at home as long as im with you. I know that sounds cheesy but im being serious. There was never a moment this weekend where I felt misplaced or lost because you simply looked at me and smiled. I dont think you will ever know how much this week will forever mean to me. It has given me the sense of assurance that I needed because I saw the confidence and protection and homeliness your embrace offered. Thats what scares me the most about Christmas break, I dont want our relationship to ever grow stagnant: I dont ever want it to be the same. Ive seen way too many people be broken apart because they didnt show the verb of love. The way that your dad talks about you is absolutely incredible, he loves you beyond words and I only hope that one day I can find the words to show you a glimpse of how much I love you. Your parents have done an incredible job on you and I never want to jeprodize that. I want to encourage you to persue your dreams and to always share your struggles, we're a team. It scares me how much I love you sometimes because I know to love is to be vulnerable, its a risk and I dont want to be hurt. But I thank God here and now for this passion inside of me to get to know you better and to be your best friend. I know its only been 2.5 months but I feel like I ve known you forever and I want to continue learning about you and growing with you for the rest of my life. Thank you for a completely life changing week."
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